Baby's Got Back

Do me a favor:  Google Image "worst bruise ever" and take a good hearty look at picture #3 (blue pants).

That would be my butt.  That image references a post I wrote about falling off of a cliff many moons ago.  In the past 3 to 4 months I have moved from picture #5 to picture #3.  And let's be honest, picture #1 and #2 do not even come remotely close to the majesty of my butt bruise.  EIGHT FOOT CLIFF PEOPLE.

FEAR THE ICE LUGE

I could be mortified that my derriere has taken off with such popularity but instead I really want to claim that #1 spot.  I deserve it.  I still have nerve damage and a lump of scar tissue that is just a bit to easy to find within the fat muscle of my bum.  I bet Ms. 126 lbs. Goal 121 lbs. of #2 & #3 notoriety doesn't have scar tissue!  Plus, I haven't been 126 lbs. since I was maybe 11.  So there's that.

Anyway, I'm not sure if the Google Image God's are watching but DO THE RIGHT THING.  The worst bruise ever should mortify and not require arrows.  Please?  Throw a starving Grad Student a bone - or a butt (see what I did there?).

In other news, Happy New Year.  I have some new Love Handles I've acquired after a 10 day journey in the Greater Boston Area.  That's what bacon two to three times a day will do to you.  I'm hoping to be back to a normal pre-holiday yet still Festively Slowed Down Metabolism Size within a week.  Fingers crossed.

UPDATE: I AM NOW NUMBER 2 ON GOOGLE IMAGE.  Sweet victory is almost mine!!

I'll Be Home For Christmas

80's Nite Christmas

Apologies my Citizens.

It has indeed been a long time.  I have an excuse (and it's a good one).  I've been in school, working like a mad woman and am preparing for my last semester - which so far, sounds like it's going to be a doozy.  But my friends, I am on vacation now.  For 29 sweet days of non-school related activities.  And to that I say, "YEE HAW".

Last year the holidays were less than festive for me.  There are similarities to this year.  Mainly, I'm broke as a joke which sometimes translates to TOO MUCH FREE TIME since I can't exactly DO much.  However there is one blaring difference:  the Soldier is home from Iraq and we will be spending the holidays and nearly a full month together.  In case you are wondering, this will be the single most amount of time we have ever spent together in the same state.  So, kind of awesome.  I'm sure there will be moments that we are at each other's throats, but still PROGRESS.  We are now 7 months away from the Soldier bidding active army duty adieu for good, moving back to the east coast and finally taking our place as a normal, couple who doesn't only see each other every 6 weeks.

To sum up, I will TRY to better at updating ye olde blog.  I swear I do fun things, but when many of your days are spent writing impossibly long and dull papers, sometimes the last thing I want to do is be witty in prose.  You get me?

Happy Happy Holidays.

All I See Is Sunny Skies

I've been up since 2:30 a.m., I'm exhausted and I've been stressed out of my mind for the past 12 months but The Soldier is sleeping soundly behind me in our hotel room after a one year deployment to Iraq and he will never have to go back.

Life is good and it's going to be a lovely day.

And All My Hope is Gone

EVIL RODENT

Okay, so full disclosure?  Squirrels scare the hell out of me.  Most people see squirrels and think, "Adorable little fluffykins.  I want to hold you and share acorns and we can frolic in the tree tops,"  I on the other hand see a vermin infested rodent with a twitchy tail sent to drive me bananas and chase me while I try to live peacefully.  I see danger.  I see jaws that will lock on your arm if you corner it and claws that can scratch.  I see Kujo, okay?  I see rabies and fleas and physical and emotional scars that will never heal.

I blame this irrational fear on a particular experience when I was about 4 or 5.  My family and I had just returned from a magical day at Santa's Village.  We entered our lake house only to find hamburger and hot dog buns strewn across the first floor.  Upon further sleuthing, my parents discovered a tiny hole had been chewed through one of the screens in the kitchen window.  Perfect size for Gray Squirrel.  My parents immediately made me and my older sister and brother go outside and wait in the car for approximately 20 minutes while they 'CLEARED THE AREA' from any evil Squirrel N'er Do Well.  Remember, they lock their jaw when they bite.  Never corner a squirrel.  NEVER.  And don't even get me started on Flying Squirrels because a rodent with a fluffy tail and the additional ability to soar through the treetops is pretty much my biggest nightmare.

Moral of the story?  I HATE THESE THINGS.  I don't want them to die, I just don't want them to come near me or see them ever.

This proves to be slightly problematic as I live in New England where the little Gray Squirrel is a common visitor.  Two events have occurred over the past month or so that have completely traumatized me in regards to Gray Squirrel presence at my apartment:

1) I'm pretty sure there is a whole colony of these things living under my front porch.
2) There is one Gray Squirrel in particular that I am convinced is trying to break into my apartment through my bedroom window - which looks out onto our back porch.  This is especially terrifying when my cat, in turn, is trying to hunt it through the screen causing the rodent to go into DEFENSE MODE which is essentially twitching and making squirrel noises.

So, if the next time you see me I look like this:

           LAICNWEJHLACLKJWEROI

Well, it's probably because either the colony has mutinied and taken over the building or Gray Squirrel has finally succeeded in breaking through the screen and eaten my cat.  Either way I will be crazy, rabid and probably prone to biting so better to keep your distance.

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

Spartan CHICKED

Today is the last day of my summer.  Yup, tomorrow it's all books and unorganized graduate assistantship and papers and stress and LEARNING.  I have conflicted opinion on this as on the one hand, very excited to get it over with, and on the other, really not remotely looking forward to getting back into it.  Maybe I will surprise myself and love everything about being in school again but I find that unlikely.

In any case, the past several weeks have been dedicated to making the most out of my remaining weekends.  The few buddies I made last year have either been monumentally busy when I am around or otherwise out of contact so I had to get a bit creative in both my activities and company.  I think I MIGHT, MAYBE even made another new friend.  

BIG NEWS.

God Help the Mister Who Comes Between Me and My Sister

So, this past particular weekend I participated in the Spartan Sprint.  I know you are thinking 3 miles with obstacles doesn't sound so bad but let me be the first to promise this was a tough course.  After doing the Warrior Dash back in June I thought, foolishly, that Spartan Sprint would be more of the same.  I was way wrong.  Spartan Sprint to Warrior Dash is like Chuck Liddell to Fred Rogers.  Not to mention the course was actually longer than what was promoted.  

After Under-Over-Under Walls, Rock Hoist, a Large Cargo Ladder, Slip Wall, Marching Up and Down a Hill with Gravel Buckets, a Log Hop, an 8' Wall, Swamp Wade, Rope Climb, Monkey Bars, Rock Carry, Tarp Crawl, Over-Under-Through Walls, Spear Throw, a Barbed Wire and Walls Course, Fire Jump, Travers Walls and a Gladiator Pit (not to mention countless burpees for any obstacle I messed up or otherwise couldn't fully complete) I finished at 1 hour 35 minutes (16th female in my heat) and Big Sis was right behind me at 1 hour 40 minutes (25th female in our heat).  GREAT SUCCESS.  Who knew 3.6-3.9 miles could take so long?

I can now go back to school tomorrow with the knowledge that not only am I a WARRIOR but I am also a SPARTAN.  I like to think this makes me a SPARTAN WARRIOR hybrid of sorts.  Maybe I'll learn the meaning of life or how to achieve world peace next.  Either way, I plan to aim high and pray no itchy dash rash follows me like last time.  

FUNS OVER.  Time to hit the books and welcome fall.  Let's do this Grad School.

I'm Just Mad About Saffron

Since moving to Portland there have been many adjustments and differences from living in Boston.  However, the most blatant have been that 1) people are nicer and 2) the traffic patterns.  People yield in Portland.  They don't typically speed up and cut you off to get one car length ahead of you and, here's the kicker, they let other people go first.

I HAVE NO BONES IN MY ARMS

It's MADNESS.  And by madness, I mean awesome because it takes me about .5 seconds driving around the Greater Boston Area before I am infuriated with everyone there.  No wonder people call us Massholes.  We are terrible (although, from personal experience New Jersey is worse).

Anyway, not to make a short story worse I was coming back from the beach a week or so ago with my Littlest Roommate and this woman in a CR-V not only sped up to squeeze past me when the lanes were merging down, she really almost drove smack into the side of the car without even blinking an eye.  As she sped by she had this angry, smirk of hate on her face.  I think it was because I have Massachusetts plates but whatever.

It was like my dreams of the only sentiment existing in Portland was niceness and frivolity were dashed.  Also, I might have been part Lobster.  And sporting really bad beach hair.  BUT STILL.

After she sped off away to be a road hazard to someone else, the smoke from her fuming melon parted and I noticed a sticker on the back of her aforementioned CR-V:

I'm thinking I caught the Yoga Master on a bad day.  Maybe she should listen to these guys who I saw on Friday night.  I've been feeling Zen ever since.  Especially since the lead singer, John Butler, cut off his dreadlocks.

Breathe it in.  Namaste to YOU.

I Just Came To Say Hello

Hey.  It's really hot out.  Today, I felt like this a lot:

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND

Everywhere I went I felt the need to explain myself as though other people didn't 'Get it,'.

- "I get cranky in warm weather," 

- "I'm using a new 'body shampoo',"

- "I feel sad inside because it is hot as Hades out here,"

To be honest I have no idea what I have to complain about.  After all, the Soldier is currently in the hottest land of all time where the daily temperature is a balmy 115 this time of year.  Yet look how chipper he is!

I LOOK LIKE I HAVE A GUN THROUGH MY HEAD

I mean.  Compare and contrast those bad boys.  I realize mine is not a good picture but guys, I AM NOT A PRETTY SIGHT IN THIS WEATHER.  Literally if I'm conscious I am sweating through my toenails.  Whoever said 'Girls don't sweat, they glisten,' clearly has not met me.  I sweat.  Like an obese man, do I sweat.  Today, I was literally sitting - SITTING - stagnant, in front of 2 (two) box fans typing on my computer and I was sweating as though I had just run a marathon.  

So yes, it is hot.  All I have to say is that I better make it to a body of water this weekend or I might end up looking like this:

That's me.  As a puddle.  Don't worry about it.  I was an art minor.  It's probably too 'complex' for some people.

Oh, and in case you are wondering what else I've been up to?  I made a little video.  Enjoy.  From Me To You.

Angel, You Were Born To Fly

To my Auntie Laurie who taught me about nail polish, proper etiquette for shoe purchasing and never once told me not to run around the pool: you are and will forever be missed.

Lauren Burke Costello passed away at her home Tuesday, June 21, 2011 surrounded by her family. She was 51 years old. Born on July 29, 1959 in Winchester, MA she was the daughter of the late Francis and Hazel Burke and grew up in Billerica, MA. Lauren graduated from Billerica High School in 1977. Following high school she attended and graduated in 1981 from the University of Massachusetts in Amherst with a degree in Economics. Lauren was a Human Resources professional and began her career in human resources at the Bank of Boston in Boston, MA. Most recently, she was the Vice President of Human Resources at Vicarious Visions in Albany, NY where she worked for the past 12 years. Prior to Vicarious Visions Lauren was employed at the General Electric Research Center in Niskayuna, NY and KB Toys in Pittsfield, MA. She was also a Board Member of the Literacy Volunteers, an organization she cared deeply about. Lauren was a compassionate person, a great wife and mother, sister and friend. She was most proud of her two sons, Adam and Aaron and spent countless hours watching them play their favorite sports. Lauren loved to camp with her family and friends, attend the ballet and had an eclectic taste in music from Classical to Blue Grass. Survivors include her husband of 28 years, John Costello and two sons Adam and Aaron. Adam is a 2011 graduate of Colgate University and Aaron is a 2011 graduate of Saratoga Springs High School and will attend St. Lawrence University. Lauren is also survived by her sister, Maureen McWilliams of Winchester, MA , two brothers, Gordon (Topper) Burke of Ft. Collins, CO and Stephen Burke of Mary Esther, FL and 12 nieces and nephews, all of which she is very proud of. The family would like to thank the staff at Saratoga Hospice, Dr. David Mastriani and Dr. Gordon Kuhar for their kindness and guidance. We would like to thank our many, many friends who took care of our family when Lauren could not and to Kim MacVane for taking care of Lauren in her final days, you are a special friend.

Thank you for making this complicated life so much brighter.  All my love.

I Hear You Knocking

 For many a year, I have had ample practice in the art of breaking and entering.  Not in the mischievous way, more in the way that I get locked out and then must creatively find my way back in.  I believe this all started when I was in fourth grade.  The story I am about to tell you is one that never was meant to see the light of day.  At the time of the affront, me and my accomplice were so terrified in what the potential consequences could be that we swore we would speak of it to no one.  Several years ago, after a few cocktails we finally spilled to the beans to her parents.  They were at first horrified.  Then they appreciated our young ingenuity.

So, when I was in fourth grade I used to frequent the house of my bestie, KT, often after school.  On this particular day, we happened to get locked out.  We did not want to wait for a long time for her Mom to return home and since these were in the days before cell phones, we were in a jam.  A tight spot.  A fourth grade pickle.  It was around this time of deep despair that one of us noticed a second floor window open.  It was determined that a ladder in the garage would allow us to scramble through said window.  However, given the layout of the house we would have to parade the ladder across the front yard in order to bring it around the back.  It was a risk we were willing to take.  Stealthily, we carried the ladder to the area of the open window and I meandered on up and in as fast as I could.  Once I had let KT in we realized we could be in a further jam.  How were we to explain how we found entry to the home?  Surely they would realize we had climbed a ladder to the second floor window - OBVIOUSLY, that's definitely the first place parental minds would go to. We had to therefore craft an alternative lie in order to explain how we got in.  We decided they might not realize should a first floor window be open so we shimmied one of those loose and left it on the floor of her dining room - that way the parental minds would see the window, and understand what had occurred.  The work was fool proof.  Moms and Dads never suspected and we didn't utter a word of this story until about 3 years ago.

This little experience has really helped me get creative in breaking into my own apartments when I need to.  Whether it's shimmying a window loose or taking a leap of faith from a fire escape through the open kitchen window, I have yet to be outdone by the bounds of my apartments security.  Maybe I should consider this when looking at new homes.  Most recently?  I went for a run to pick up my car at a friends place and brought the wrong house keys with me.  I realized this when I got back and was standing in the hallway with nothing but my i-pod and car keys to my name.  It was then I realized the stairway window was open.  Out the window I go, across the roof and in through the living room window I came.  I can't help but wonder what my neighbors thought was going on but either way, VICTORY WAS MINE.

I'd like to think I look nimble and awesome like Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrapment but I'm sure I look more hokey and clumsy like Paul Blart: Mall Cop.  Whichever it is, it's at least a small comfort knowing that if this whole Grad School thing doesn't pan out, I could make a KILLING as some sort of reverse escape artist.

I'll Make You a Believer

Today was a big day.  Not huge, but pretty big day.

For one, today was my last day of classes (yahoo!).  I am officially half way through my stint in grad school provided I don't flunk out or completely botch up something.  This semester has dragged on and on and on.  To be fair, I still have a term paper and a final exam to get through by the end of next week but still, I'm close.  I can almost taste the victory.

But the BIGGER news is this: tonight I played a soccer game.  For the first time since April 20, 2010.  And not only wasn't I completely awful BUT I am walking sans pain.

This.  Is.  Huge.

I can't even begin to elaborate how terrified I was that I would rewound myself after Game 1 and come hobbling home.  No way.  NOT THIS TIME ACL.  You will bow to me and behave.  My Personal Jesus is defeating the suckiness of having a bum knee.  And I win!  At least this time.