Curious Incidents and the Bruises That Invevitably Follow

Bruises are my specialty. True story. A dollar for every bruise currently on my body right now would put me solidly into Alexander Hamilton territory at least. Out of those bruises, known causes and sources of the travesties are resting under half. Meaning: I have no idea where most of these bad larry's come from. Most can more than likely be attributed to soccer knocks and clumsiness but the rest? You'd probably have more luck finding a solution to the chicken and the egg theory.

Then of course there's the Waterfall Incident. Let me refresh your memory: August in Summer 2007 hosting a fun weekend at my house in Maine I accidentally (okay, drunkenly) slide off an 8 foot waterfall at some natural water-slides. The resulting bruise went down in history as the worst looking contusion to date. Behold:

Hombre does not look real. A fair share of medical type people have told me that hands down, that was the worst bruise they had ever seen. I believe it. There have been challengers since that day and yet, my pretty baby has trumped them all. It's commanding. It's aggressive. And it seriously messed up my nerve endings. I still have a strange bump in my right cheek (overshare) that just has to be scar tissue. I carry that bruise with me every where. It is my gold star. My trophy. My "Atta-Girl" for being a complete idiot.

But back to the curious incidents and bruises that inevitably follow. I realize I am a clutz. I fall down a lot. I trip at least 2 times each day and I'm constantly running into things like doors and cabinets. I've cut my finger on a whip cream can, got a third degree burn on my arm from a toaster and got a paper cut from a card board box. Strange injuries are a part of my life. Not just a part, a main player and bruises are the lead. If my life were Robert Goulet my bruises would be Will Ferrell.

I've strayed but the initial point of this entry was that last night I found an enormous alleged bug bite on the back of my left thigh which has since turned into a large, pleasantly robust shade of purple and hurts like Hades....

...nah, who are we kidding - the REAL point of this entry, at the near 1 year anniversary, was to broadcast my bruised derrière to the greater masses. I love attention.